Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
