you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
