you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
