i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
