how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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