i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I love you. Go after that dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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