I murdered the dance floor call the cops
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
