I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
