she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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