Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
