That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
