Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was confusing and full of hummus
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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