i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
