Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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