how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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