no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
