mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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