don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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