at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
