LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
