Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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