Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
