glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
