Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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