Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
