Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
time to smoke my breakfast
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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