I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
