That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
