while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
