pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
