They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
