dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
