Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He better not be in your backpack
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
