i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
