Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
