so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
