The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
