He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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