Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
