so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You ate ashes out of my bong
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
