I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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