I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
