I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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