So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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