Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
