Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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