ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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