Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
