oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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