she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
