perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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